OUT OF ASHES.

I haven’t posted in a long time. Sorry, everyone Josh. So hello again, reader (Josh). I really need to get this off my mind, because it’s frustrating me. And I don’t usually stay frustrated for long.

About a week and a half ago, I heard about a job opening for the Global Business Center at school. I happened about this information through a simple conversation with a girl that I met while volunteering at a global competition here. At the time, I didn’t think I needed a job. But the next day, I realized it would be a great opportunity to take up. At the time of volunteering, I had the perfect contacts all at my fingertips, since almost everyone from the Global Business Center was helping to organize this competition. As someone volunteering closely and devoting many hours, they would’ve known me well and it put me a step ahead of other people who may have been candidates for the job. I got really excited about this job opportunity, but I had other things on my mind and kept putting back talking to someone about applying to the job opening. Over the next few days, I got a lot of encouragement from different upperclassmen to go for the job opening and give it a try. By the time I finally talked to one of the advisers in the center, the job was already taken. It was taken by another freshman girl, who is actually in my freshmen business class.

I’m not sure why, of all things in life, this is what has frustrated me to the point of not being able to get it off my mind.

But the thing is I am sure why. God set this up for me, set up this golden opportunity. Right place, right time. Unexpected, unimaginable. Those four things are God’s recipe for something incredible. And I didn’t do my part. I waited, I procrastinated. I succumbed to laziness, I succumbed to fear. I let myself lose. And I know the reason why I’m bitter is because this isn’t just my fault, this is a situation where God’s hand was in it, and my heart wasn’t. And it just makes it that much worse to know that God is good and God is here, but if I’m not willing and obedient, He can’t carry out his plan.

But God’s hand was in this. And God’s hand is in everything. To remember that I’m in good hands always gives me hope. My mom bought me this verse-of-the-day mini calendar thing. I thought it was cheesy and so not me, but I’ve been using it. And daily, it brings me encouragement. Some days more than others, but today especially. March 13th reads:

But he (Jesus) said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I (Paul) will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power my rest on me.

- 2 Corinthians 12:9 (NIV)

That’s good, real good. Jesus says to me, “I am grace, I am perfection”. His power rests on me. So maybe I’m like a bitter melon. This Chinese vegetable, that when translated directly is bitter melon. It’s so bitter on the inside when you take a bite, but on the outside it’s a pretty green and shaped like a beautiful flower when sliced and stir-fryed. I’m bitter on the inside right now, but Christ washes over me with his beautiful love. Grace, perfection, power. It transcends my bitterness.

So I’m heading to the undergraduate career services now in the business school. Let’s see what comes out of this. His grace is more than what I think is sufficient. His power is perfect in my inefficiencies. I boast in His power. And I will obey when He calls.